Wendy Louise Hayes
First Voice Expert
Hey there! I am looking to have honest conversations about child welfare, adoption, and the impact of silence on identity!
Young people who experience child protection and adoption have a unique life experience that is often misunderstood. First voice advocates (or people with lived experience) often receive push back when it comes to discussing their real experiences including that trauma and loss are at the heart of adoption. This misconception bleeds into society, where we see adoption as the happy ending for trouble youth, and parents are their savior. Adoption and permanency journeys are far more complex than the simple story of a happy ending. Research indicates that young people with involvement in child protection experience PTSD at higher rates than first responders and veterans, yet young people from child welfare often get mislabeled as delinquents. In speaking about common challenges in child welfare and permanency, that I have personal experience with, I hope to challenge the idea that adoption is a solution.
In publishing The Heart That Silence Built, I was taking control of my own narrative in these experiences, and going through a healing journey that resulted in beginning to understand that I was minimizing my needs for the comfort of those around me and unable to live an authentic life. This is something I think many people can resonate with, specifically marginalized communities such as women, 2SLGBTQ+, mental health, and neurodiverse communities, all of which I identify with and influence my work.
In sharing this poetry anthology, I hope to connect with others on journeys of identity building and healing from trauma through authenticity and honesty, specifically for those whom adoption is a part of that. I also hope that through sharing my personal story and wisdom on adoption that prospective parents will come to adoption with the necessary skills and realistic expectations, because I think alternative family building can be a very beautiful thing. So far the response to The Heart That Silence Built from my community has been overwhelmingly positive. I’ve had many people tell me that it personally resonated with many of their experiences, and I am so grateful for that.
Personally, I also make an effort to be incredibly open about attending therapy in order to de-stigmatize accessing mental health support. Therapy was a significant part of the healing journey that resulted in publishing The Heart That Silence Built, and I would like to share my experiences with therapy to help those considering it (or not) feel more comfortable with the idea.
November is Adoption Awareness Month – and the perfect opportunity to chat about adoption and permanency in any context!
What qualifies me to talk about this stuff?
My primary qualification is my life experience. Secondary to that would be my professional environments. Since 2010 I’ve worked at the Ontario Child Advocate’s Office, the Adoption Council of Ontario (ACO), Eva’s Initiatives for Homeless Youth, and the Centre for ADHD Awareness Canada (CADDAC). My work centered on helping people understand complex issues as they related to child welfare, adoption and permanency, youth homelessness and neurodiversity respectively. Over the course of my time at the ACO and CADDAC I had the opportunity to participate in education programming such as workshops and trainings that are too extensive to list here. Here are some trainings of note:
Adoption Competency Training - Adoption Council of Ontario Multiple Occasions 2021 (Participation)
Resisting Burnout with Justice-doing and Collective Care with Vikki Reynolds May 6-7, 2019
Resisting Anti-Black Racism Training with Roberta K. Timothy & Mercedes Umana September 26, 2018
Removing the Barriers: Making Your Organization 2SLGBTQ+ Positive with Rainbow Health Ontario July 2018
Intensive Sexual Attitudes Reassessment (SAR) Workshop, Den Tenim, Sexplore May 2017.
I am also a trainer for the Never Too Late Program at the Adoption Council of Ontario. I’ve also led or co-facilitate other trauma, youth advocacy and permanency offerings including being a co-facilitator a the North American Council of Adoptable Children Youth Conference on several occasions. Finally, I am currently getting my undergraduate in Psychology with a plan to become a psychotherapist. Feel free to check me out on LinkedIn for more info!
Topics I Like
Mental health, and the impact of silence on identity
Trauma - specifically complex and developmental trauma
Emotionally immature parents (Book by Lindsay C. Gibson),
Poetry as a form of expression and healing
Trauma-informed parenting or being trauma-informed generally
Gender and sexual identity
Spirituality vs. religion
Inner child work,
The impact of having a community that you belong to
Going to therapy
The role unlearning (specifically with unlearning racism)
Alternative family building - specifically adoption and permanency
Not being able to be your authentic self
My Audience
Most of my audience would be women in their late 30s to early 50s, most of them are parents and most of them are personally AND professionally involved in child welfare. Beyond that demographically similar, people who are not part of the adoption community, are still usually parents are are likely in some kind of supporting profession (coaching, therapist, social workers etc). Most of them make a modest income (and/or have well-off husbands). One this I would say about my audience is that they share my curiosity, would consider themselves lifelong learners, and are religiously diverse, but not overbearing with their beliefs. Many of them are concerned with mental health and wellness. Many of them are entrepreneurs and many of them value community. That's who my network is!